School is starting in less than a month, and the whirlwind of panic filled thoughts have successfully invaded my gentle summer environment. Step away stress, can’t you see I’m busy ignoring my responsibilities?
After one snapchat message my friend sent me regarding financial aid and school insurance, my only thought was:
“Oh shit financial aid.”
Then a resounding:
“OH shit the insurance.”
So basically, some colleges provide insurance which you can waive. You can just use your own insurance, because the one that comes with the school costs an extra $2000, so of course I would just use my own. Unfortunately, if you refuse their insurance, your financial aid decreases a lil’ bit.
I didn’t take that into account while calculating whether or not I had enough money for school.
So shit. BUT, fortunately, I don’t think my financial aid would decrease that big of an amount. I think.
And so, this one little message my good friend sent me set me into a path of panic and stress. I realized I’ve been avoiding my responsibilities for way too long.
It’s time to face them.
THE MONEY PROBLEM
Let’s be real, college kids + college= money problems. We all know that. Fortunately, I receive a good amount of financial aid since my parents make below the middle class line. Unfortunately, that means it’s still tough paying for college.
I still have loans to pay off, and my tuition, and my apartment rent, and then there are goddamn random fees that come with an apartment that I was completely unaware of. Becoming an adult is no joke guys, it sucks. I know I need to grow, but as for right now I’m going to rant.
I did have a job earlier in the year which gave me some “pocket money”. I didn’t get a summer job because my family went on a trip (which in retrospect is a lame ass excuse). Also because I have no car- the works.
So that means I have to work during the school year, which I’ve done. It’s tough as hell, especially since I’m the type to want to study as much as possible. I quit after four months, because I just couldn’t do it. Or more, I hated the job.
So responsibility number 1:
I need to get a job. ASAP. Apply to jobs. Now.
But I’m extremely extremely fortunate in regards to money and my parents. My parents so generous and they’re paying for my education- something I thought every student had. It never even occurred to me that there might be students who are completely supporting themselves. I just assumed all parents helped their kids.
I know what you’re thinking: “If your parents pay for your education then why the hell are you so stressed??”
- I love my parents with all my heart and I hate that they have to pay for something I feel like I should be able to cover. I feel guilty with not helping out financially, I feel guilty for not working a job this summer, and I feel guilty for over all being such a lazy ass bum.
- It’s money, see a high bill and your bound to get stressed if it’s related to you.
Damn money problems.
Oh boy. Here we go. My living situation this year can either be incredibly fantastic, or incredibly awful.
Incredibly fantastic because:
I’m excited to move into an apartment. I think it’ll be fun living on my own home outside of the dorms. Yes, I’m aware that I’m going to miss the dining commons and that I’ll hate cooking for myself eventually. And yes, I’m aware of the high ass rent. And yes I’m aware that I have to buy my own toilet paper.
But I’m excited to live on my own, and have my own little key to the apartment.
Incredibly Awful because:
Unfortunately, my living situation is a tricky one. A very tricky one. I’m living with the same people I lived in the dorms with, and it was all going well until about April. It went into utter and complete shit.
It got so bad, I hated going back to my dorm, and it added to my already sky high stress level. There was tension in the room so thick I had to keep an oxygen mask made out of steel bitch face just to breathe. Because if I took that mask off, I was going to drown in the negativity let me tell you that.
Every time I slid my card into the card reader of my dorm room, I thought “my god here we go again.”
And the sad part is, the problem most likely rooted from me. Which I won’t talk about because it’s highly personal and if my roommates find this I’m screwed. Let’s just say college can really mess with people. Some can adjust, some can’t.
But anyway, I’m living with the same girls.
I know, you’re thinking:
“Why in the fucking fuck, are you even thinking of fucking doing that?”
- because we solved our problems a bit. sort of.
- because the shit hit the fan after we signed the damn apartment lease. The first time I do something earlier than usual, it bites me in the butt.
- because I’m friends with both my roommates
It’s a very complicated mess. I can already feel the possible tension. Everyone, let’s pray the tension subsides. It sucks because my other roommate and I click so much. And my other roommate is my high school friend, but I just don’t have as many things in common with her, but she’s still a friend you know.
So yes, this is why my apartment situation can suck. Follow the rule of thumb pre-college readers: Don’t room with a high school friend.
I’m… I don’t know with the whole sophomore year. I’m excited to start a new year, nervous because of the unknown, anxious because I feel the pressure to do something else besides academics, more anxiety because I don’t know what that “something” is. It’s a jumble. I’m excited for classes, for people, for learning, but the stress and the ugliness it comes with is something that all students need to deal with.
Can I handle it? Absolutely, no doubt.
Can I push myself to be greater? That’s what I doubt.
I can’t doubt it, I won’t doubt it, I shouldn’t doubt it.
There’s something that I want to discuss about the youth being pushed into doing as many things as possible, and as great of things as possible. Everyone expects quantity and quality from students.
And that’s why I slightly fear sophomore year. I feel like I can’t achieve as much as I can within the four years of undergrad. Sophomore year is already halfway out. Am I ready? Honestly, no idea.
It’s less than one month until school starts.
Let the games begin.