Okay guys so the weirdest thing just happened to me today. I was over at a little get together at my friends house, and later on in the night one of my friends offered to give us tarot card readings. Of course it wasn’t a legit reading, they were fake cards anyway, but she hit ridiculously close to home I was wondering if she somehow knew what my situation was and tailored my reading to what I was thinking about.
I don’t know what’s bringing me to write about this, but I guess it was just so weird and personal to me that I had to. None of my friends know about this either, because I brushed off the weird tarot card reading thing anyway.
My “fortune”or reading or whatever was that I was at a crossroads or a stalemate, and that I had to take each problem one by one because each one was very important. And that I shouldn’t be swayed by the opinions of others (something I’m never good at. I hate it when I’m right and I don’t listen to myself).
Obviously, this was a load of bull, and it was fake. But I felt my face shift into one of horror and the room suddenly became hotter.
It was so true. I felt one personal conflict that was always in the back of my mind take center stage and explode in delight that it was finally being completely focused on.
I’m not going to explain any further, just in case one of my friends happen to stumble upon this anonymous blog, read some past posts and connect the dots. (Highly highly unlikely).
What I can say, is that I’ve been avoiding my problem, and while the tarot card reading was some fun little thing, I think it hit me that it’s time to grow up and solve all the problems that are crowding my brain.
It’s almost 2017 goddammit, I’m 19 years old, and I need to grow up. I need to stop being petty and childish and own up to my own mistakes, fix my problems, and move on.
Self growth has definitely been an issue. I feel like I haven’t grown much as a person, and I think it’s time to let myself grow.
I keep thinking the word change. I don’t think change is a healthy way of looking at where you can go.
Change implies a huge overhaul of personality and habits that can’t happen in a week, month, or a year. Change implies that you can become a completely different person, a person that you want to be after a couple of steps.
That’s something I have to keep reminding myself. That just because I de-clutter, drink more water, and give myself pep talks one day, doesn’t guarantee that I’ll transform into the person I want to be the next day.
Growing as a person takes so much time and effort. And that’s another thing, it takes a hell of a lot of effort. SAYING you want to be or do something is useless if you don’t do anything about it. And that’s so hard for me to try to do.
I have so many goals and dreams and the more I dream the less I do, and I feel like I’ve fallen behind with all my friends who are DOING things to reach their goals.
It’s time to grow. Don’t wait for a specific date like new years. Don’t wait until the end of the school year. Don’t wait, because growth takes time. Growth takes effort. And it’s hard, but we need to start tackling our problems now.
All from a tarot card reading? No, this has been on my mind for years. A lot of my blog posts probably echo the same sentiment. I really need to try guys, for my own sanity.
So this was an incredibly random post, but I just wanted to share this. Hopefully it inspires you guys to start doing and tackling whatever is in your way versus hiding your problems under a dirty rug.
I wish you all the very best,