Deciding to Study Abroad in Spain: The First Few Thoughts are Amazing, and the Next Few Steps are Disheartening

The dream to study abroad is an an attainable one. My parents are completely supportive, loans are an option, and I would definitely still graduate on time with or without adding a Spanish Minor. I’m basically set to go, all I have to do is put in the effort to plan everything and I can study abroad.

Unfortunately the human mind is a tricky one and self doubt seems to arise once everything is falling into place. Question after question of whether or not studying abroad is even worth the financial burden of loans, if I can handle studying abroad, etc etc. It’s been a weird ride and I haven’t even applied yet.

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It’s Been Months Since I’ve Written and Life’s Been Hard, I’ve Watched Call Me By Your Name, and Bitch I’m Planning on Going to Spain

Let me start off by saying “Call Me By Your Name” was a movie that disappointed me with it’s development, but then randomly slapped me in the face with feels.

The movie itself was alright. The plot was slow, some scenes felt unnecessarily pretentious, and the romance could have developed more organically.

Then again I love movies that embody summer and the way it can capture the relaxed lazy state people automatically adapt once June hits. Plus the scenes with Elio and Oliver together were so tender and real that I forgave the misgivings of the plot and development.

So yeah, while this movie wasn’t great, I was still incredibly affected by the movie.

The point is, there were feelings the movie successfully evoked feelings in me that I haven’t felt in a very long time.

It was nostalgic, and not because I had a summer love or spent a couple months in Italy, (to be completely honest I can’t relate to any part of that movie at all), but it felt nostalgic because it was the type of movie I would watch during my summers while I was still in high school.

Independent films that are painstakingly slow and confusing (but thought provoking) have marked my adolescent years in such a powerful way.

Those movies allowed me to explore certain feelings a high schooler could never completely comprehend, and see parts of the world in such a confined space. The more I cried and let myself feel emotions that I could only imagine, the better.

The shots of beautiful green landscapes under the harsh sun brought me back to a time of simple satisfaction and comfort. The films that would envelope me and take me to a story that I would have never come across otherwise were splattered across my high school memories, and “Call Me by your name” transported me to a time where I wasn’t afraid to explore myself through the emotions of several characters at 5am in the morning.

It also gave me a sense of longing and excitement. Last night, I randomly decided it was time to take studying abroad seriously. STUDY ABROAD IN SPAIN LIKE A BASIC BITCH. 

Well, realistically I might study abroad. Studying abroad would amount to about 15k, and while my parents are the strongest support system a girl can ask for, I’m still a realist.

The reasons for wanting to study abroad are pretty stereotypical. I want to see a new place, travel, learn the language, and gain independence.

Although my life in college has given me independence in ways that I could never have aniticipated, all that freedom still feels like some type of superficial independence. Like yes, I’m living on my own, but there’s still a script that my parents and the school expects me to follow, and I mindlessly am happy enough to follow it.

The challenges I face on the daily feel calculated, and I want to be able to grow away from the formulaic disasters that are presented to every college kid on campus. Being in my specific college town, intiative has to be taken in order to explore and grow, and I haven’t done that.

And no, I’m not stupid enough to think that changing my environment will have some sort of other worldly effect on my attitude and behavior. I’m not dumb enough to think that being 5,000 miles away from my college town will change who I am, because the 400 miles away from home didn’t alter me in the ways I would have wanted it to.

Change comes from within, and the mindset you put on. I’m very very aware of this.

This post has a wild title and I think it reflects the feelings I’m feeling at the moment. My life has felt like an organized chaos caused by too much time to reflect on myself rather than just doing. 

College can be such a mess. This quarter my friends have gone through so much crap it’s ridiculous. Self doubt runs rampant throughout many of us during our third year, but all the while we still find moments of paradise.

I obviously still have moments where I feel so light and beautiful. This quarter in particular has been so difficult, and I just.

Well, let’s see what happens you guys. I’m energized by the thought of going to Madrid, and let’s see if I actually follow through.

 

 

 

Saying Goodbye to 2017: A Wonderful Year Where Growth was So Tangible and Beautiful

This year was a blessing. If anyone remembers the horrors of 2016, 2017 felt like the vitamin pill of growth necessary for some type of progress in life. Large surges of admiration and appreciation for life, along with a dash of adventure were the trademarks of 2017. Here are some of the best things, and some of the worst things to sum up my year.

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Fall Quarter 2k17: The Beginning of Something Beautiful

The fall quarter of my third year of college felt like one big sigh of relief. After an incredibly difficult and tense living situation during my entire second year, everything life threw at me this quarter felt like a blessing. Although there was a continuous stream of assignments and commitments, nothing really stressed me out as much as anything did last year. It really comes to show the importance of the environment you’re in, and how it affects your daily life.

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Roadtrip Lessons: Sometimes Over-Planning is the Unexpected Buzzkill You Didn’t See Coming

My summer roadtrip to Portland and Seattle was supposed to be this magical and amazing adventure which would result in all sixty of my instagram followers to drool with envy. Unfortunately the only one drooling was me, after realizing in shock that my dedication to planning the perfect roadtrip resulted in strict expectations and a concrete set routine.

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Blogs, Vlogs, & Instagram: To Be or Not to Be Anonymous, That is the Question

Okay I’ll admit, this really isn’t that big of a deal for several of you here on WordPress. As I scroll through my reader, I see countless blogs with profile pictures of your actual face, and even your (supposedly) real names.

The internet makes it so easy to broadcast yourself but I honestly feel safer knowing that I remain anonymous as I share my life with a few of you here. With that being said, there are still people like me who remain anonymous and rely on their blogs name rather than their own.

So how do people decide to be anonymous or not? Does being anonymous allow greater freedom with our writing, or does it hinder it?

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Road Trip Plans: Portland!

My family has taken a liking to “all american family road trips”, and I’ve planned every single one of the trips we’ve taken. From the Grand Canyon to Yellowstone, I’ve had my fair share of intense googling and hotel booking. This summer my parents want to go to Portland and Seattle, and I think it’ll be interesting to see how much of my plans actually go through! So here’s a peek at my itinerary I’ve built up for our Portland part of the trip! (Seattle will be a separate post!)

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My Younger Brother is a Better Role Model Than I Am and it Hurts Sometimes

I always knew there was a difference between me and one of my younger brothers since we were really young. I always got praises in school for getting really good grades, and by the time I hit middle school, my younger brother was earning the same praises so there was no surprise. But then the difference between us grew even greater once I started high school, and once I hit college, the difference was blindingly obvious.

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Wow, Humans Live on Earth for Like 2 Seconds but Manage to Worry About Everything

It’s always humbling and important to remember that in the grand scheme of things, that your stay on earth is incredibly temporary. So if you trip while grabbing your coffee at Starbucks, no one’s gonna care in 3 seconds!! And no, not in a pessimistic “my life means nothing” kind of way, but in a beautiful freeing “well if I make a mistake, in the grand scheme of things, it’s OKAY!”.

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