Let me start off by saying “Call Me By Your Name” was a movie that dissappointed me with it’s development, but then randomly slapped me in the face with feels.
The movie itself was alright. The plot was slow, some scenes felt unnecessarily pretentious, and the romance could have developed more organically.
Then again I love movies that embody summer and the way it can capture the relaxed lazy state people automatically adapt once June hits. Plus the scenes with Elio and Oliver together were so tender and real that I forgave the misgivings of the plot and development.
So yeah, while this movie wasn’t great, I was still incredibly affected by the movie.
The point is, there were feelings the movie successfully evoked feelings in me that I haven’t felt in a very long time.
It was nostalgic, and not because I had a summer love or spent a couple months in Italy, (to be completely honest I can’t relate to any part of that movie at all), but it felt nostalgic because it was the type of movie I would watch during my summers while I was still in high school.
Independent films that are painstakingly slow and confusing (but thought provoking) have marked my adolescent years in such a powerful way.
Those movies allowed me to explore certain feelings a high schooler could never completely comprehend, and see parts of the world in such a confined space. The more I cried and let myself feel emotions that I could only imagine, the better.
The shots of beautiful green landscapes under the harsh sun brought me back to a time of simple satisfaction and comfort. The films that would envelope me and take me to a story that I would have never come across otherwise were splattered across my high school memories, and “Call Me by your name” transported me to a time where I wasn’t afraid to explore myself through the emotions of several characters at 5am in the morning.
It also gave me a sense of longing and excitement. Last night, I randomly decided it was time to take studying abroad seriously. STUDY ABROAD IN SPAIN LIKE A BASIC BITCH.
Well, realistically I might study abroad. Studying abroad would amount to about 15k, and while my parents are the strongest support system a girl can ask for, I’m still a realist.
The reasons for wanting to study abroad are pretty stereotypical. I want to see a new place, travel, learn the language, and gain independence.
Although my life in college has given me independence in ways that I could never have aniticipated, all that freedom still feels like some type of superficial independence. Like yes, I’m living on my own, but there’s still a script that my parents and the school expects me to follow, and I mindlessly am happy enough to follow it.
The challenges I face on the daily feel calculated, and I want to be able to grow away from the formulaic disasters that are presented to every college kid on campus. Being in my specific college town, intiative has to be taken in order to explore and grow, and I haven’t done that.
And no, I’m not stupid enough to think that changing my environment will have some sort of other worldly effect on my attitude and behavior. I’m not dumb enough to think that being 5,000 miles away from my college town will change who I am, because the 400 miles away from home didn’t alter me in the ways I would have wanted it to.
Change comes from within, and the mindset you put on. I’m very very aware of this.
This post has a wild title and I think it reflects the feelings I’m feeling at the moment. My life has felt like an organized chaos caused by too much time to reflect on myself rather than just doing.
College can be such a mess. This quarter my friends have gone through so much crap it’s ridiculous. Self doubt runs rampant throughout many of us during our third year, but all the while we still find moments of paradise.
I obviously still have moments where I feel so light and beautiful. This quarter in particular has been so difficult, and I just.
Well, let’s see what happens you guys. I’m energized by the thought of going to Madrid, and let’s see if I actually follow through.