Deciding to Study Abroad in Spain: The First Few Thoughts are Amazing, and the Next Few Steps are Disheartening

The dream to study abroad is an an attainable one. My parents are completely supportive, loans are an option, and I would definitely still graduate on time with or without adding a Spanish Minor. I’m basically set to go, all I have to do is put in the effort to plan everything and I can study abroad.

Unfortunately the human mind is a tricky one and self doubt seems to arise once everything is falling into place. Question after question of whether or not studying abroad is even worth the financial burden of loans, if I can handle studying abroad, etc etc. It’s been a weird ride and I haven’t even applied yet.

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February Twists and March Turns: I Went a Bit Wild with Planning Out My Last Year of College and Now I’m Tired

For three years of my undergraduate career, there was always one thing that was stable: my major. Not once did I even think of changing from a Psychology B.S. , and not because I have an undying passion for it, but I really couldn’t see myself doing any other major besides Biology which would set me behind a year if I even tried to pursue it.

The balance between science classes and psychology classes felt like the perfect balance. I loved stressing about chem but being able to learn about traits and experiences that shape our behavior and mind.

While my major was stable, my choices in minors varied greatly.

I tried to see the value in minors, although it was difficult considering I was geniuinely disinterested in any minor that was mentioned. Usually for psychology, human development is the “go-to” minor since the classes are so similar to psychology.

The similarity with psychology classes did not appeal to me, in fact it made them more dull in my opinion.

So I tried to minor in Human Development last quarter, and I created a degree chart and everything. The class was about adulthood and aging, and it was absolutely fascinating.

Yet adding on another Human Development class physically pained me.

Of course I didn’t stick to that because in the end I found the similarity to psychology (lowkey) useless.

My first year I raked through the minors list, hungrily hunting for something that seemed interesting to me.

  • Economics– since I enjoyed math to some extent and it seemed like a practical minor to add onto something like psychology.
  • Biology- because I truly deeply enjoyed biology. Not enough to major in it, but perhaps to minor in it.
  • Human Development- It made sense. Every psych major basically added it on.
  • NPB- guys I truly enjoyed this class. I loved neurons for some weird reason. Only in this class though because cognitive psychology bored me to death.


So some of these minors were just simple thoughts (like economics), while other’s I genuinely took classes toward that minor (human development), and I even registered for future classes for some other minors (NPB).

I thought with NPB it was it. I was ready for the onslaught of science classes my last year, as painful as it sounded. I felt like I was excelling in this class, it was something I was meant to minor in.

It wasn’t until last Thursday when I attended a psychology panel of professionals (clincial psychologist, junior specialist etc) that I snapped.

They said their road to their specific job was a winding road, and no one really knows what to do with their lives initially. An obvious point made by so many other people in my life, but it somehow pushed me to pursue studying abroad on a more serious note.

There was a rainbow that day and a gentle drizzle of rain against an orange sky and I was so…sure.

Like I knew in that moment I wanted to study abroad and I’m going to fucking do it.

I’ve been saying it for years guys. Three years I would mention it carelessly to my friends, and now for an entire week I’ve been talking about it nonstop.

I can tell I’m wearing them down, so the long block of silence about my plans are about to ensue.

Studying abroad would be easy for me considering I only have like 3 more classes to finish my degree. I can choose any program without any consideration for the classes whatsoever.

It’s still incredibly difficult financially though. So I said great, the only obstacle I have is finance, that’s fine. I can deal with that unlike others who have to finish minors and degrees abroad.

THEN, I decided, why not add a Spanish minor? That would make so much more sense than all the other minors I’m pursuing because I LOVE Spanish, and I’m going abroad to a spanish speaking country anyway.

I took five years of it before entering college, and somehow after the AP test, I just dropped it off the face of the earth.

Is there intense regret for not starting spanish earlier? Yes and no. Life’s a journey.

Would it have been incredibly incredibly convenient to do Spanish EARLIER???


My advisor threw some major suggestions my way.

I could have double majored in Spanish to be completely honest. And my advisor is pushing it to some extent.

He said, there’s only 5 more classes compared to the minor to become a major, so why not just major in it?

I almost fainted.

I only have one more YEAR. I don’t want to extend. I do not. I would rather do summer. (due to once again financial reasons).

I went from trying to spread out the scarce amount of psychology classes I had over an entire year because I did not want to graduate early to CRAMMING IN AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT MAJOR into one year.

Then he suggested going to Mendoza, Argentina rather than Madrid, Spain.

I almost fainted again because I was so SET on spain that I didn’t bother looking anywhere else.

There are so many options now I’m dizzy.

I honestly think I’m capable enough to do it. But it would take a lot of time and money.


My advisor was very kind and patient, although he was very skeptical with planning out my study abroad in basically a couple months.

He said they recommend at least 10 months beforehand.

But then again, I always do everything last minute. This time though, I don’t feel the doubt that usually infects my decisions. With whatever happens, I’m fucking studying abroad.


(But I’m still praying that I figure this all out and I do end up studying abroad because while I’m confident I know life happens). 




It’s Been Months Since I’ve Written and Life’s Been Hard, I’ve Watched Call Me By Your Name, and Bitch I’m Planning on Going to Spain

Let me start off by saying “Call Me By Your Name” was a movie that disappointed me with it’s development, but then randomly slapped me in the face with feels.

The movie itself was alright. The plot was slow, some scenes felt unnecessarily pretentious, and the romance could have developed more organically.

Then again I love movies that embody summer and the way it can capture the relaxed lazy state people automatically adapt once June hits. Plus the scenes with Elio and Oliver together were so tender and real that I forgave the misgivings of the plot and development.

So yeah, while this movie wasn’t great, I was still incredibly affected by the movie.

The point is, there were feelings the movie successfully evoked feelings in me that I haven’t felt in a very long time.

It was nostalgic, and not because I had a summer love or spent a couple months in Italy, (to be completely honest I can’t relate to any part of that movie at all), but it felt nostalgic because it was the type of movie I would watch during my summers while I was still in high school.

Independent films that are painstakingly slow and confusing (but thought provoking) have marked my adolescent years in such a powerful way.

Those movies allowed me to explore certain feelings a high schooler could never completely comprehend, and see parts of the world in such a confined space. The more I cried and let myself feel emotions that I could only imagine, the better.

The shots of beautiful green landscapes under the harsh sun brought me back to a time of simple satisfaction and comfort. The films that would envelope me and take me to a story that I would have never come across otherwise were splattered across my high school memories, and “Call Me by your name” transported me to a time where I wasn’t afraid to explore myself through the emotions of several characters at 5am in the morning.

It also gave me a sense of longing and excitement. Last night, I randomly decided it was time to take studying abroad seriously. STUDY ABROAD IN SPAIN LIKE A BASIC BITCH. 

Well, realistically I might study abroad. Studying abroad would amount to about 15k, and while my parents are the strongest support system a girl can ask for, I’m still a realist.

The reasons for wanting to study abroad are pretty stereotypical. I want to see a new place, travel, learn the language, and gain independence.

Although my life in college has given me independence in ways that I could never have aniticipated, all that freedom still feels like some type of superficial independence. Like yes, I’m living on my own, but there’s still a script that my parents and the school expects me to follow, and I mindlessly am happy enough to follow it.

The challenges I face on the daily feel calculated, and I want to be able to grow away from the formulaic disasters that are presented to every college kid on campus. Being in my specific college town, intiative has to be taken in order to explore and grow, and I haven’t done that.

And no, I’m not stupid enough to think that changing my environment will have some sort of other worldly effect on my attitude and behavior. I’m not dumb enough to think that being 5,000 miles away from my college town will change who I am, because the 400 miles away from home didn’t alter me in the ways I would have wanted it to.

Change comes from within, and the mindset you put on. I’m very very aware of this.

This post has a wild title and I think it reflects the feelings I’m feeling at the moment. My life has felt like an organized chaos caused by too much time to reflect on myself rather than just doing. 

College can be such a mess. This quarter my friends have gone through so much crap it’s ridiculous. Self doubt runs rampant throughout many of us during our third year, but all the while we still find moments of paradise.

I obviously still have moments where I feel so light and beautiful. This quarter in particular has been so difficult, and I just.

Well, let’s see what happens you guys. I’m energized by the thought of going to Madrid, and let’s see if I actually follow through.




Saying Goodbye to 2017: A Wonderful Year Where Growth was So Tangible and Beautiful

This year was a blessing. If anyone remembers the horrors of 2016, 2017 felt like the vitamin pill of growth necessary for some type of progress in life. Large surges of admiration and appreciation for life, along with a dash of adventure were the trademarks of 2017. Here are some of the best things, and some of the worst things to sum up my year.

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Fall Quarter 2k17: The Beginning of Something Beautiful

The fall quarter of my third year of college felt like one big sigh of relief. After an incredibly difficult and tense living situation during my entire second year, everything life threw at me this quarter felt like a blessing. Although there was a continuous stream of assignments and commitments, nothing really stressed me out as much as anything did last year. It really comes to show the importance of the environment you’re in, and how it affects your daily life.

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First Quarter of My 3rd Year: Woah 6 Weeks are Already Gone and I Feel Great!

This quarter felt like I was a hamster trying to run on a wheel while small obnoxious child threw rocks in my direction. Time is the wheel, and the rocks symbolize all the shit life hurled at me. Fortunately, as a young 19 year old roaming earth, I don’t have as much shit to deal with. Or well, serious shit. I have do-able shit. Anyway, this quarter sped by so damn fast, but thank god I’m still alive!!

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Confessions of a College Hoarder: Things I Brought to My Apartment Last Year that I’ll Ditch This Year

It’s an unavoidable fact. I’m a hoarder. Just as all hoarders, I find something incredibly significant with material objects that are incredibly useless. Well guess what? This hoarder just got bitch slapped by my new and improved (okay on the way to improved) self. And this new self is going to be a cold, hard, and determined woman who is ready to live in twice as less crap than she did in the past two years of her college life.

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Roadtrip Lessons: Sometimes Over-Planning is the Unexpected Buzzkill You Didn’t See Coming

My summer roadtrip to Portland and Seattle was supposed to be this magical and amazing adventure which would result in all sixty of my instagram followers to drool with envy. Unfortunately the only one drooling was me, after realizing in shock that my dedication to planning the perfect roadtrip resulted in strict expectations and a concrete set routine.

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August 2k17: Is it too late for Monthly Goals? Never.

With the amazing power blogging I managed to pull out of myself in the month of July, it left me feeling a little empty for August. And although it took exactly two weeks for me to feel like writing anything worthy to post on my blog, I decided a good wholesome monthly goals will put me right on track to spew out whatever nonsense I want to share with some of you guys.

Sure it’s already halfway through August, and no that doesn’t mean it’s too late for some goals. Never is guys.

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