This is kind of funny, but I’m trying to re-vamp my dating approach. My past dating approach was very fear driven, half-assed, and not intentional. I was basically dating for the sake of dating, and learning how to be in the flow of things.
So moving forward, I’m going to try my best to be a bit more intentional. I realized that I also need to state my boundaries clearly so that I’m not floundering about during the app talking stage or during hangouts. I need these for myself, but hey it might be helpful for other people who are just starting to date in their mid-20’s. (Also this doesn’t include how to create a profile but how you present yourself is pretty important too.)
- Choosing who to swipe right on:
- you have to find the person attractive (something needs to attract you to their profile, either their prompt or their pictures). If a prompt attracts you, do their pictures attract you? Do the pictures at least not repulse you or turn you off in any way? And if their pictures attract you, are you at least curious about them as a person?
- DO NOT SWIPE if you think they are simply “nice”. There needs to be something attracting you to the profile.
2. Conversations
- Do NOT give your number out until yall meet and you like this person. You can offer instagram if they want lol. (I’ve been so tempted to give it out anyway to really cute guys but I stick to my boundary).
- Do you get excited talking to them? are they mildly funny? are they interesting? Do you want to get to know them a bit more?
- Are they respectful, do they put in some type of effort?
- If yes then go meet.
- If there’s nothing aside from them being nice, then it’s up to you girl…just be intentional
3. Meeting
- before you agree to meet, are you excited to meet them? Are you curious about them? Instead of thinking, I wouldn’t mind meeting them, are you thinking, wow how fun to see them in person!
- If you do decide to meet, do you want to do something fun or eat. (I do not want to eat anymore. I am bored of eating.)
- Confirm date and time, then confirm again the day of. So simple but im telling you there are some dumb af people out there. And I’m saying this out of experience.
4. And onto the actual first meet up (I feel so weird saying date but whatever):
- Let yourself be nervous. That’s okay. This is a complete stranger that you’re supposed to have a good time with. What a weird pressure.
- But also realize…this is just a random stranger. No need to take it super super seriously, take it as a vibe check.
- Have fun!!!! Share stories like you’re with a friend!!! I think I find myself answering questions without really delving into a story and that makes it super dry and boring. Idk why I do that lol. I do that with new friends too.
- You’re on a floating rock.
- Listen to badass music. You’re fine. You’re cute, witty, and normal. What more can they ask for lmao.
5. processing the meet up:
Use these 8 questions to process how you feel. I also have example answers from an actual meet up I had this past weekend:
1. What side of me did they bring out?
My extroverted relaxed self. A little annoyed that I had to take the lead for some parts of the meet up such as problem solving how to use the bathroom. I was not flirty at all which is fine considering it’s the first time we’ve met lol. I think I was able to be completely myself though.
2. How did my body feel during the date? Stiff, relaxed, or something in between?
Pretty relaxed. I felt very awkward and stiff at first as I am with anyone who is new.
3. Do I feel more energized or de-energized than I did before the date?
Energized. I love talking but I also felt like something was lacking. Afterwards I just wanted to keep talking to someone else.
4. Is there something about them I’m curious about? No.
5. Did they make me laugh? No.
6. Did I feel heard?
Kind of? Not really. I think he agreed a lot and there was a lot of interest and thought processing going on in his head. Very very similar to who I am with new people or in groups. I just felt like we would peddle past conversation topics without really even sharing stories.
7. Did I feel attractive in their presence?
yeah LOL. that was nice.
8. Did I feel captivated, bored, or something in between?
I was mildly bored tbh. I think he was pretty good at conversation but i also…didn’t care for it much. In terms of thinking of topics he did pretty well, but it almost felt like we were going off of small talk texting questions rather than really conversing naturally if that makes sense. I think he would be a good friend though bc of how similar our thoughts were. but yes i was bored-ish.
Ultimately I gave this guy a no thanks message. I was not very physically attracted, conversation was all right, the logistics of driving to each other was rough, and ultimately not something I was open to putting energy into.
He sent a really cringe text and I felt so bad for him that I ended it quickly. No need to continue.
Glad it was a safe time, and hopefully he gained some experience in going out for dates. He was so nervous I felt awful.
Well, wish me luck I’m meeting someone tomorrow lol. May those dating in their twenties find light and love bc it is ROUGH out here.
-hikae
= h i k a e = 